Tuesday, November 5, 2013

In Spite of it All - It Happened

As I wrote the other day November 2nd is the 3rd anniversary of our family match day.  I sometimes wake in the early hours and marvel that we are a family.  The state of international adoption is so much different than it was when we began our journey.  Next month we will have been a family for three years.  Since our match China has referred a little over five months worth of LID's (an average of less than five days a month).  When we set out on our journey it was a six to eight month wait from LID to referral - the people who were matched last month waited over seven years for their match.

I remember vividly being in an informational meeting hosted by our agency.  One of the parents who hosted the meeting said flat out - if you wait you will become a parent.  This was in January of 2006 - it was my mantra as we waited - but there were times...  

China changed the requirements for adoptive parents in 2007 - it was a confusing time.  There were rumors that it would affect everyone and rumors that those in line would be grandfathered in.  One of the cruelest new requirements was that the potential parents were not allowed to have used anti depressants.  Many people come to adoption through infertility and who wouldn't be depressed about that?  

Then China stopped posting on their site match date status.  The rumor was it was because it slowed down their servers.  It made a program that was already becoming much less predictable (that predictability being one of the reasons we chose China in the first place) even more unpredictable.  It put the rumor mill into higher gear.

As the months and years rolled on people would say it can't get any slower and yet it did.  Singles were no longer allowed to adopt NSN, but then were once again let in under the waiting child/special focus program.  China became a Hague Country which changed much of the process (unfortunately it made the wait for travel longer).  More and more people (who could) switched to the special needs program.

Where is the China program going?  I don't know.  There is speculation that one day the NSN program will close.  If that day comes I hope that it is because there is no longer a need and not out of an effort to "save face".

Here I am a mommy three years.  Still figuring it all out and loving (maybe not liking) every minute of it.  My heart and prayers go out to all the potential parents and children who are still waiting.  

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